Confused

I binged today
I admit it
I wish I had the courage to put my finger down my throat and make my stomach throw it all up
I want it to rid it of it's impurities, cant it see?
stupid food.
i don't even want to know what my weight will be tomorrow
ill be slashing a blade across my arm because of it
and itll feel so bad
but so good at the same time

I'm Fading

i'm sick of it
i want to be skinny
i just need it
i need someone to listen
i'm getting sick
but i don't care
not until my hip bones poke out
not until my legs don't touch
not until my collar bone scares everyone away
then i'll be okay
maybe